Kashimashi Naruto
by Racke
Summary: Naruto didn't like spaceships. Damn aliens should learn how to steer properly and not land on his head! Gaara/Fem!Naruto. WARNING: Bashing of Sasuke,Sakura,Kakashi.


Kashimashi Naruto

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

XXX

Naruto groaned as he pulled himself up over the edge.

Staring across the glorious non-vertical surface, he didn't even bother wasting his strength cursing Ero-sennin for putting him through this. Laps around Konoha until he could barely walk straight, and then he had to climb a cliff without using chakra.

The sun was setting, he noted absently as he collapsed in a pile.

Taking deep shuddering breaths, Naruto wondered if he was going to be able to make it back to his house, or if he should just give up and sleep outside tonight. Wouldn't be his first night under the stars, and it didn't look like it was going to rain this time, so that was a plus.

He wasn't sure where Jiraiya was, if he was peeping on girls, or if he was getting drunk, or if maybe, just maybe, the pervert had actually decided to take responsibility for his student and was watching over his training. He was probably getting drunk, it was too late to peep on girls properly.

Naruto glanced at his torn and bloody hands and asked himself – not for the first time, and certainly not for the last – why in the world he wanted the bastard to train him.

Sure, Ero-sennin was strong, really strong, but his training seemed a lot more like a cruel and torturous attempt to get out of teaching him things by keeping him busy on the other side of the Village.

Still, he supposed that there was a chance that he would get stronger from this, if only because it was either getting stronger on his own or dying whilst training. And Naruto wouldn't just roll over and die for anyone.

Making a decidedly manly whimpering noise, Naruto decided that he would be sleeping outside tonight, because he honestly couldn't move.

With a monumental effort, he rolled over onto his back so that he could look up at the sky. The sky was a better view than dirt and bloody hands. The sky had all those pretty lights on it. Way better to watch.

Unfortunately, he was a bit dizzy, so most of the pretty sparkling lights kind of danced around him in a way that really wasn't helping his stomach any. Closing his eyes as he really didn't want to risk committing himself to the effort that was puking his guts out, Naruto took several deep breaths.

If it wouldn't take so much effort, and if he actually could, then if Jiraiya had shown up there, right at this moment, Naruto would probably have killed him. Thankfully, Jiraiya wasn't there, so he didn't have to worry about being tempted into trying.

Opening his eyes again, the stars had stopped spinning, instead taking on their usual serene stability.

Except for that one light that was getting brighter.

Yeah, that was a stupid light, stars shouldn't be getting brighter randomly, it should cut that out and join the endless mediocrity of the others.

The light, almost as if it heard him thinking insultingly about it, continued to become even brighter.

Naruto briefly wondered if he was seriously picking a fight with a star, because that would be a new and peculiar experience even for him. He'd never challenged an actual star before. He wondered how they'd settle their fight.

If Naruto hadn't been so fantastically exhausted at this point in time, he might've started to get worried, because the light was now not only getting brighter, it was also getting _bigger_.

He'd heard things about stars, once. They were really really far away. That was pretty much what he remembered. But if they were far away, they must be pretty big to be seen from the ground, which meant that since this star was getting brighter and bigger, it was actually getting closer.

It was quite possible that that would be bad for him, but he was too tired to worry about things like that.

A gigantic shape emerged from the light.

The world exploded into color.

XXX

Konohagakure was a pretty normal place.

Really, it was. Even if they did have two spandex-clad monstrosities, and a bunch of perverts, and crazy people, and ninja techniques, and giant toads, and-...

Admittedly, Konoha wasn't really _normal_, but it did most certainly follow a particular set of rules. The same rules that most of the Elemental Nations operated on.

Ninjas were cool, civilians weren't, old people weren't to be trusted, young people were to be fooled. It was an ancient formula that had served them all well since the age of the Sage of the Six Paths.

Of course, this meant that on this particular night, something just _had_ to happen to fuck everything up.

In this case, the rule breaker proved to be a gigantic cigar-shaped monstrosity that crashed into the Hokage mountain. Which, despite technically being invisible, was responsible for what happened next, which was the gigantic image that suddenly appeared in the sky.

The image was of a young girl with blonde hair and blue eyes, that was looking beautifully dazed. The voice that accompanied the image was that of a man, though. But before anyone started to believe that they'd been attracted to a trap, the voice explained that they were aliens, that they'd accidentally crashed into this person on the mountain, and that they'd done their best to rebuild them from scratch, but had had slight problems with a general lack of material.

Now, everyone learned that the girl in the picture was actually _born_ as a guy. Which helpfully shot back all the perverts of the Village into 'goddammit it's a trap'-mode.

Well, it would've, had not the gender-bended youngster's name been revealed.

Uzumaki Naruto.

Cue panic.

What of the Kyuubi? Was it loose? Was it gone? These were the important questions people asked.

In the entirety of the Village, only a handful of people who knew of the Kyuubi asked themselves another set of questions. Namely, is the kid alright?

Except for Jiraiya, who was currently caught somewhere in between absolute horror, crushing guilt, and that well-ingrained instinctive need to get as far away from an angry female as absolutely possible. Because when Naruto woke up, he wouldn't be happy to discover that he was a she.

And he'd probably blame Jiraiya.

Of course, those that _didn't_ know of the Kyuubi wondered instead why their elders looked ready to faint, and just how Naruto was planning on dealing with being a girl.

Except for Kiba, who had been wolf-whistling at the image from the get-go, because he was a perv.

Oddly enough, when the aliens decided to return the gender-bended teen to the Village, it didn't return him/her to the safety of the Hokage, or the drunken arms of his/her panicking teacher, it placed Naruto in the arms of the man who'd pretty much bull-rushed for the mountain the moment that the image had shown up – because there was no way that Iruka wouldn't recognize the girl as far too similar to his favorite student's perverted technique for it to be coincidence.

So it was, that the rest of Konoha found their Jinchuuriki in the arms of a chunin academy teacher. And so it was, that the first person who tried to remove Naruto from his arms, faced a level of Killing Intent that had even the Hokage flinch.

Thus, it was decided that Iruka would be taking care of Naruto for at least as long as it took for the scarred man to calm down.

XXX

Naruto stared at the mirror that the medic-nin was holding up in front of his face.

A blonde girl with blue eyes and whisker marks on her cheeks stared back at him.

He screamed.

He probably would've kept on screaming for a very long time if Iruka hadn't started yelling at him.

Iruka had always managed to calm him down. It was just something about the man that made Naruto absolutely certain that whilst annoying the man was hilarious, truly angering him would be downright terrifying. Thus, he had never been able to truly attempt to push him over the edge back in the academy. And besides, Iruka was pretty nice, though perhaps a bit strict.

Basically, Naruto's instincts told him to shut up. So his scream kind of trailed off.

Then he stared at the mirror some more, blinking slowly, rubbing his eyes, touching his face every which way, groping his chest – that wasn't quite on the level of his jutsu, but clearly above Sakura's – carefully trailing down a hand further.

After a brief confirmation that yes, he was definitely a girl, Naruto glanced over at Iruka.

Then he started crying.

He would later be told that it was due to something called a 'hormonal imbalance' and that random mood shifts were perfectly normal. But right now, the part of his brain that sometimes pointed out that he was kind of acting on a really dumb plan that would so totally get him killed in like nineteen different ways, proved itself to be utterly horrified with his complete lack of manliness. Men didn't start bawling their eyes out at random. He was supposed to be way too cool for that!

Thankfully, his initial reaction to having his gender twisted around wouldn't reach the rest of Konoha. If mostly because nobody gave a damn about what he felt like.

As Iruka pulled him into a hug that was very comforting, Naruto swept his gaze over the rest of the hospital room.

It was a very generic hospital room, and there was the medic-nin, Iruka, some ANBU-guy, and Ero-sennin standing over there in a corner. Totally normal.

Wait, what?

"Ero-sennin?" He asked.

"Yo." The white-haired man grinned in a way that looked a lot like someone was twisting his arm in a very painful manner. "You okay there Naruto?"

"Umm..." Naruto paused, trying to find a way to word this elegantly. "I just woke up from having a giant spaceship landing on my face. And I'm... a... girl..." He choked out in a slightly horrified voice.

"Uh, yeah... But other than that, you're okay?" Jiraiya prompted, still wearing that painful-looking grin.

Naruto squeezed Iruka a bit, feeling reassured by the man's presence. He wasn't feeling all that fine, actually, but he didn't want to worry Ero-sennin, because even if the pervert kind of deserved a lot of shit coming his way for various different reasons, he still kind of liked the guy. He was pretty funny sometimes, and he'd helped him out.

Let it not be said that Naruto didn't know how to forgive others. He was in fact probably a bit too good at it for his own good.

"I want to break your nose." He finally admitted in a fairly rational voice. "But I feel a bit too weird to try."

"Weird? How do you feel weird?" Iruka pulled back so that he could give look at him... uh, her, worry clear in his tone. "Are you hurt somewhere?"

"Uh... no?" He tried to appease his former teacher. "I just feel... awkward." Naruto flexed his arm in demonstration. "It feels... I don't know... slow? Weak? Heavy? Like my body is asleep." He nodded resolutely at that, deciding that was what it felt like.

"Naruto, I want you to try to channel chakra." Jiraiya told him in a serious voice.

Naruto looked at him for a moment before asking in a slightly suspicious voice. "Why?"

"Because the villagers are kind of panicking. The old man is holding down the fort, for the moment, but you can guess what they're all shouting at each other right about now..." He trailed off with a disgusted expression. "I hate politics." He muttered to himself.

Naruto found himself agreeing with that last statement, as he realized just how much of a pain this must be for the Hokage to deal with. He would want confirmation that the Kyuubi hadn't somehow broken free to terrorize them.

Nodding silently and letting go of Iruka, Naruto channeled some chakra.

The seal appeared on his... uh, her stomach, looking much like it always did. Jiraiya stared at it for a long moment before nodding.

"It doesn't look like it's been tampered with. Good." He paused with an uncomfortable expression. "Could you talk it over with it?"

Naruto frowned, but nodded. He understood why Jiraiya was asking this of him. Best to make damn sure that all of their bases were covered when people started throwing around accusations.

Closing his eyes, Naruto reached for his mindscape.

And opened his eyes to a gigantic cage inside of a sewer.

**"About time you showed up, you damn brat."** A voice rumbled. Or well, it would've rumbled, had it not sounded quite so much like the echo of someone standing on the other side of a tunnel and yelling.

Naruto thought that this was a bit odd, since the Kyuubi had always been one for rumbling sinisterly.

Nine tails of crimson red waved slowly in the air, sharp claws promising death to all below it, even sharper teeth showing themselves in a sneer, and slitted eyes narrowing in anger.

That was definitely the Kyuubi, Naruto nodded to himself.

He then fell over laughing.

Because the Kyuubi was about the size of Tora the cat.

**"Yeah yeah, laugh it up."** It grumbled angrily before smirking. **"They might've stolen my powers from me, but they seemed to have given me the opportunity that I've always wanted."**

And with those words, the Kyuubi launched itself out through the gap between the enormous bars and proceeded to attack Naruto with its uncomfortably sharp appendages.

Naruto wasn't pleased to note that apparently even his mindscape-form was that of a girl. But he was even less pleased by the amount of scratches that the bastard of a fuzz-ball managed to cover him in.

Growling in anger, Naruto attempted to kick the Kyuubi in that way that he'd always wanted to try kicking Tora. Unfortunately, the Kyuubi proved a lot more agile than one would've first assumed, and simply dodged it.

It was difficult to tell how long they spent fighting it out on the water-drenched floor of the sewer, but finally they both pulled back at the same time, rolling over to stare up at the ceiling.

"I hate you so much." Naruto pointed out.

**"The feeling is mutual, brat."** The Kyuubi agreed from next to him.

The silence crept on for a long moment.

"Wait, does this mean that you've broken free of the seal?" Naruto felt a bit worried about that, though not nearly as much as he would've felt had the Kyuubi not been so fantastically small. He was fairly sure that Konohamaru could kick the Kyuubi's ass like this.

**"Not really."** The Kyuubi sighed after a moment. **"It just allows me to move around in here. Normally this would've meant that I could devour you and carry on with my life, but... " **It growled. **"Like this, I might as well just give up."**

Naruto glanced over at the fox, wondering just what went through its mind.

**"Unless you got your own mind completely erased by something I wouldn't be able to take over, and even then I'm not sure I'd be able to rule with my body in this shape."** It whined, before muttering to itself: **"I need to get laid."**

"What?" Naruto growled at it.

**"I have three urges, okay?"** The Kyuubi defended somewhat hotly. **"Food, destruction, and sex."**

Naruto stared at and wondered if he perhaps was hallucinating.

"Food, destruction, and sex?" He echoed numbly.

**"Destruction is out, because I can't kill anything like this. Food is out because I can't really hunt anything like this, and even if I could I haven't actually felt hunger since I was sealed in here. That only leaves sex! So, I need to get laid."** It nodded resolutely at its own powers of deduction.

"I'm not inviting foxes into my head just so you can get laid." Naruto declared.

**"Oh... yeah... forgot about that..."** It actually sounded a bit heartbroken at that revelation.

They were both quiet for some time as they pondered this new information.

**"Okay, I need to get **_**you**_** laid."** The fox decided with an oddly gleeful tone.

"Wai-...? What?" Naruto sputtered.

**"It should prove a decent challenge."** The Kyuubi elaborated with a contented nod.

Thankfully, the shock of all of this was apparently enough to make Naruto retreat back into reality.

Reality where he found himself staring at a still pained-looking Jiraiya and a worried Iruka.

_**"What do you think, males or females? I would've guessed females, but considering your current form you might want to consider males as well."**_ The Kyuubi's voice echoed in his head.

Naruto let out a dignified shriek at hearing that voice outside of his own mindscape.

"Naruto are you alright?" Iruka asked hurriedly.

"I'm fine!" Naruto proclaimed loudly. "The Kyuubi isn't trying to get me laid, or anything!"

The residents of the room stared at him in confusion.

_**"Whoa, we're going to have to work on your subtlety, brat. That kind of thing just won't fly where we're going."**_ The Kyuubi scolded him.

Naruto whimpered. "Why won't it shut up? Stupid cat-sized pervert."

XXX

It took them several hours before everyone was finally convinced that whilst the Kyuubi could now speak directly into Naruto's head, it didn't pose any actual danger to anything other than potentially Naruto's virginity.

'Potentially', because nobody there was really certain at how capable the Kyuubi would prove at giving dating-related advice. It might have been a kitsune – and there might be a lot of rumors about those getting around – but it was also something of a destructive force of nature that wished to bathe in the blood of all living things. They figured that it might very well even itself out.

Jiraiya seemed to be feeling both guilty and awkward about Naruto's new form, and whilst he did get in one or two good cracks at the hilarity of Naruto being corrupted into perversity, his heart didn't seem to be in it.

Iruka however was refusing to let him... uh, her, out of his sight. As in, Naruto had almost been forced to resort to violence in order to get some privacy for going to the bathroom.

It was an odd feeling, Naruto mused, being worried over. Not bad, definitely not bad, but certainly unusual.

Thankfully, for Naruto's continued sanity, they managed to figure out a way to shut the Kyuubi up. It took a lot of concentration, and wouldn't be all that hard for the fox to circumvent, but it was enough to make it stop wolf-whistling whenever a nurse happened to bend over. Not that Naruto wouldn't look anyways, but at least now he wasn't risking to be _reminded_ of the natural existence of his libido.

Naruto wasn't sure what was said during the council meeting which Jiraiya stepped out to attend, only that when he got back he said that they'd be leaving Konoha for a little while. At least until the final part of the chunin exams started.

Iruka demanded to be present, Jiraiya folded like a cheap suit, and Naruto wondered if perhaps Iruka was actually cooler than the old man Hokage.

Regardless of coolness, he... uh... man, this was getting seriously messed up... _Naruto_ was grateful for the chance to get his... – dammit, her? – head back on straight. Having your gender changed overnight really messed with your pronouns. And yes, that word had been stolen directly from Iruka.

And so it was, that barely any time into the month-long break at all, Naruto, Iruka and Jiraiya set off into the forests surrounding Konohagakure. Partly to keep Naruto out of trouble when the gender-confused teen strolled into either side of the onsen, or any other place where genders were separated. Partly to keep people like Kiba from getting their balls caved in when Naruto freaked out over being hit on. And partly because Jiraiya was kind of still feeling really guilty about indirectly causing all this trouble with his training idea, and as such had decided to actually train Naruto in a more 'hands on' approach, which all the scantly-clad lovely ladies of Konoha made very difficult to concentrate on.

Naruto came out to sort his – or her – head out, and to get stronger for the third part of the exams. Jiraiya came out to train him – or her – and not to be distracted from this duty. And Iruka came out because he still refused to leave Naruto's side, and nobody really wanted to try forcing him to do so after what'd happened that first time.

XXX

Camping out in the wilderness with Jiraiya and Iruka was... odd. Odd, but nice.

Jiraiya's training was actually showing some result, if partly because he didn't want to annoy Iruka by making him do useless things, and Naruto felt like he'd... uh, she'd, gotten a lot stronger.

Which leads us to the next issue.

He was a she.

Naruto was female.

This wasn't something that could simply be brushed over and give people headaches about whether it would be a good idea to go into the ladies room. Naruto was _female_. Naruto was going to have a 'period', which Iruka had explained after Jiraiya had fled from the scene in horror. Naruto had breasts, which weren't all that bad, all things considered, but kept getting in the way, and threw off his balance something fierce. Naruto wasn't going to marry to some girl, have kids and live happily ever after. In fact, if Naruto wanted to have kids, Naruto would be forced to carry them around in Naruto's stomach for around nine months, and then _squeeze_ them out.

Naruto was seriously wondering if it wasn't possible to somehow reverse the transformation, but the aliens had been very specific about stating that it just wasn't possible, so it was a no-go.

Thankfully, Naruto hadn't been forced to deal with the Rookie Nine showing up and mocking him... uh her, transformation. Sure, there would be some kind of confrontation on the matter the moment Naruto got back to Konoha, but for now, as Naruto continued to struggle with the pronouns of Naruto's existence, they weren't an issue.

Naruto was also getting a headache from avoiding to use pronouns by usage of Naruto's name. It was getting to the point where Naruto wondered if Naruto would start talking like those girls that kept saying their names all the time. Sure, that could be kind of cute sometimes, but Naruto wasn't sure if Naruto wanted to be one of them.

Naruto was a 'she'. There could be no other answer.

Heaving a gigantic sigh and collapsing on her back, Naruto stared up at the star-sprinkled sky, listening to the sound of rushing water and wondering if any of those damn lights hid more of those bastard aliens. You'd think they'd figure out a way to keep collisions to a minimum by the time they'd gotten to the point where they traveled between planets. Morons.

_**"Look on the bright side."**_ The Kyuubi suggested diplomatically.

_"What bright side?"_ Naruto asked tiredly.

_**"You're damn good looking."**_ The Kyuubi smirked.

Naruto growled.

The Kyuubi really wasn't helping. It distracted her from her problems, certainly, but it wasn't helping.

It had also been giving her advice on just how she was supposed to walk. Naruto didn't really think that swinging your hips around like that was in any way a good way to walk, but considering the slightly constipated look on Jiraiya's face once she'd done it in his presence... well, she could guess that it was a very feminine way of walking, at the very least. Thankfully, Iruka had smacked the old pervert over the head before he reverted to his old habits.

Jiraiya was actually proving to be surprisingly capable of ignoring Naruto's femininity. He still leered when they passed some busty woman on the road, still went off to do 'research' when he got some spare time, and he still giggled perversely as he wrote on his book. But unless Naruto was putting in a lot of effort to look sexy, cute, innocent, or using the puppy-eyes technique in order to get him to buy ramen, Jiraiya wouldn't treat Naruto like a girl.

Iruka would, sometimes. Filling the role of an overprotective brother who glared at any appreciative men who glanced her way. And that was nice. But Naruto was still a bit confused about this whole matter, and Jiraiya not changing their relationship in any way, other than allowing him... uh her, to get away with a tiny bit more than normal, was a great relief.

Jiraiya had been working on his – dammit, her – chakra control, because it seemed that the reason for the Kyuubi's current shape was that the aliens had somehow molded all of its chakra into Naruto's own system.

Basically, Naruto wasn't sure if she actually _could_ run out of chakra anymore. She'd been throwing so many clones around that it wasn't even funny. And it'd barely put a dent in her reserves.

Still, her control was completely shot, so she'd needed to relearn the tree-walking exercise. Yes, it really was _that_ bad.

So, she'd relearned it. Apparently she could use the clones to learn things at an extremely accelerated rate. Which was neat.

Jiraiya had been trying to teach her a few new techniques on top of everything, since he figured that it'd be cool to see what would happen to some of them if you completely overloaded them with chakra.

Which was why Naruto was currently listening to the water.

The water that was pouring in from the neighboring river into the crater.

It was a pretty big crater.

Naruto grinned. So yeah, life was still kind of awesome.

XXX

Sakura wasn't really sure what she was supposed to do at the moment.

Her first teammate had disappeared off with their teacher on some sort of special training. Her second teammate had disappeared in general, and then showed up as a girl in an image in the sky, and then completely dropped off the grid. The only thing she'd managed to find out about Naruto was that he'd run off with another group, though who that group consisted of wasn't especially clear.

Some people said that Naruto had run off on his own. Others that he was dragged away by one of the sannin, which was ridiculous because why would a sannin ever bother with someone like Naruto? She could've seen one of them taking Sasuke aside, he was after all really really strong, but why would one help out Naruto? That was just stupid.

Iruka being part of the group seemed to be the truth though, considering that he had disappeared from the academy. But she couldn't figure out why people kept looking so weird whenever the placid teacher was mentioned. It was almost like they were making sure that he wasn't standing over their shoulder before answering any questions.

In fact, pretty much all of Konoha was acting really weird.

When Naruto had shown up in the sky with that stupid technique of his, all of the grown ups had paled, and some had even seemed ready to pack their bags and leave the village.

Sakura didn't understand that, because really, what kind of idiot would believe that aliens really existed? Obviously, this was another one of Naruto's stupid pranks.

Huffing angrily at the thought of him fooling so many people for no good reason, when he could've been training so that he would stop getting in Sasuke's way, Sakura continued on with her errands.

XXX

Naruto sighed as she made her way to the arena.

Ayame had wanted to talk to her about things that males should never have to talk about, and so Naruto had learned even more about being a girl than she'd picked up during her time with Jiraiya and Iruka out in the middle of nowhere.

This was slightly depressing because not only did this signify a change in her relationship with the older girl, but it also cut deeply into her precious ramen-time, time that she hadn't been allowed to have as she'd been out in the middle of nowhere and hunting for her food.

Nearly an entire month without ramen. The memory sent shivers down her spine.

Still, she'd survived, and she was now making her way towards the arena, where she would most likely be pointed at, laughed at, mocked, and just generally develop a deep searing need to castrate everything within a mile-wide radius.

Naruto was a bit shocked at her realization that she could actually consider doing such a thing to what used to be a fellow male. Then she remembered that one guy at the onsen who didn't take no for an answer, and she came to the conclusion that the world was better off without his potential addition to the gene-pool. No matter what Ero-sennin had to say about it.

Grumbling angrily about perverted bastards, Naruto presented herself at the gate like all the other participants.

When the chunin started mouthing off against her being a participant though, she gave up on civility and socked the guy on the nose. Then she walked up to where the other chunin-hopefuls would be.

She supposed that Iruka was most likely worried, having tried his best to stay with her during their return, but failing horribly when Naruto realized that ramen was at their goal at which point she'd promptly left her odd family in the dust.

They'd get over it. Iruka had gotten a lot calmer about letting her out of her sight over the last month.

He still glared at any male that glanced twice at her, but that was perfectly okay in Naruto's book, as she really didn't want males to glance twice at her. It creeped her out.

"Naruto? Is that you?" Shikamaru was staring at her with something similar to pain and awe.

Naruto could understand the pain. Shikamaru didn't have a lot of pleasant experiences with the fairer sex, and now one of his... well, not friends, but certainly acceptable acquaintances, had been turned into one. This would most likely result in a former ally becoming an enemy. This was probably giving him a very troublesome headache.

Naruto nodded, sighing deeply. "Oh yeah, definitely me." She paused. "And no, I'm not planning on screeching in your ear."

Shikamaru stared at her for a moment, obviously considering how truthful such a statement was, before nodding in relief. Then he turned around and took a nap whilst standing up, because the Nara clan had developed an actual technique for that several generations ago. It's amazing what peculiar facts you can pick up when you're stuck with a teacher and an easily-amused pervert for a month straight.

Shino stared at her for a moment, and the only reason that Naruto didn't consider punching the guy was because she felt that it was more him overwriting his memory of Naruto as a male with his memory of Naruto as a female. The Aburame were very logic-oriented, and he'd probably need a bit of time to adjust his view of her, making slight adjustments to his treatment of her so that everything would be proper with regards to her new gender.

It would've probably pissed her off it wasn't so plainly logical. You can't treat males and females in the same manner, the reaction of seeing the other person naked, for example, varied from gender to gender. Therefore, he was making adjustments to it. Simple as that.

Neji was still glaring condescendingly at her, which just proved that the bastard had a stick so far up his ass that it was probably poking the insides of his eyeballs.

Naruto would make sure to beat the shit out of him later. Fate was what you made of it, nothing more nothing less.

The Sand Siblings were staring at him though, apparently confused by this odd turn of events.

Gaara looked about ready to kill her, but she was getting fairly sure that that was pretty much the redhead's default state of mind. Temari was glaring at her chest, whether out of confusion at her switch of genders, or due to feelings of inadequacy, Naruto couldn't tell. Kankuro was checking her out.

Right, the moment the makeup-covered shithead came within distance, she'd kick him in the balls.

Naruto paused. Wouldn't that mean risking being disqualified? Dammit, she'd have to settle for twirling a kunai dangerously and glare. But wouldn't that risk turning him on? She'd listened to a lot of Jiraiya's stories, and she remembered that crazy snake-lady from the second part of the exam. She'd been about ready to cut the genin into pieces, but Naruto had still been inexplicably turned on by it.

Maybe Naruto was actually a masochist at heart?

Violent shudders of revulsion spread through her as she tried to keep from gagging at the thought.

No, not masochistic, but the whole scene from back then obviously wasn't what she should be aiming for when making sure that the males stayed the hell away.

Sighing miserably at the annoyances that surrounded her, Naruto gazed out over the stadium.

It was about time for the first match, and Sasuke hadn't shown up yet. Bastard.

They'd probably postpone his fight until he showed up, even if he was several hours late. That's favoritism for you. But right now, it was time for her to kick Neji's ass for what he did to Hinata in the preliminaries.

XXX

"_**Okay, I don't care how pretty he is, you're not having sex with him. Ever."**_ The Kyuubi concluded with a growl as Neji continued on his rant about Fate.

Naruto made a disgusted face. "I don't care how pretty he is, I'd rather sleep with _Gai_." She finally stated in a horrified voice.

Apparently, as his words were projected around the stadium, the Kyuubi wasn't the only one who had to fight off shudders of revulsion.

"I mean, at least Fuzzy-Brows isn't a complete _bitch_, and knows not to simply lie down and take it!" And with that she sprang into action, making the seals needed for her strategy.

Yes, she'd thought up a strategy. Blame Iruka. That guy worried way too much.

Then again, it was probably a good thing, as Hyuuga shouldn't really be fought in close combat. It would just end badly. Better to keep at range.

Which was why she'd learned the Shuriken Kage Bunshin. All she had to do was outlast Neji, and if he were in possession of the Kaiten, that might actually take less time. The Hyuuga clan's 'perfect defense' took a lot of chakra to uphold.

Apparently, the multiplying shuriken caught the genius by surprise, but he simply scoffed at it.

Naruto had expected that, after all, he was on a team with Tenten who's entire style was based around slinging weapons at people. That he would know how to defend against them were common sense. Which was why he was underestimating her lasting power. Because she'd used one shuriken for that throw, and she still had about four scrolls filled with them.

Seals were really cool by the way. Not quite as cool as her ace in the hole against Neji, but still definitely cool.

And as Neji deflected her shuriken with contemptuous ease, so began the game of cat and mouse.

Neji would try to close in on her, and Naruto would simply get out of the way. It wasn't as if the Hyuuga was actually able to corner her effectively. And so she continued her endless barrage of shuriken.

This was quite possible the most boring fight they'd see. Or, well, most people were sincerely _hoping_ that it would be the most boring fight they'd see in this tournament, because they really didn't want to watch something that could actually make this _exciting_ by comparison.

Shikamaru sneezed, then went back to sleep.

Of course, Neji seemed to take offense that Naruto wasn't being stupid enough to let the bastard land a hit.

"You know that you've lost, that is why you dare not face me." Neji said with a smirk.

Naruto barked a laugh. "Yeah, cause it's not like I'm a _ninja_ or anything. No, I'm supposed to come out and fight you with _honor_." Naruto actually paused, staring at her opponent incredulously from across the field. "Are you an absolute moron? What do you think we are? Samurai?"

Neji bristled angrily at the comment, but Naruto interrupted anything else he was planning on saying by launching more shuriken at him.

They continued dancing around each other, and Neji proved himself quite capable of the Kaiten. It also proved to be just as taxing as Naruto had been led to believe, even if Neji was holding on quite well.

Naruto hadn't even broken a sweat.

It was kind of pathetic, really.

Finally Naruto just shook her head, disturbed by the sheer amount of specialization that a clan could get away with. Neji didn't really use weapons, he didn't set any traps, he didn't maneuver her into any tight corners – mostly because she was expecting that – he in fact did little more than stand around and look at things.

It was such an amazing bloodline, really, you could see through stuff with it. And he wasn't even using it as psychological warfare. This was dumb, because even if he'd been lying, if Neji had started ranting about her choice in underwear she'd probably have charged him with her fists by now.

But no, all he did was look at her chakra system, detect sneak attacks, and then spin around in a circle in a way that exhausted him in order to deflect her attacks.

Couldn't he just realize that he would need to improvise? And he was supposed to be a genius.

Naruto shook her head in pity.

"You're pathetic."

Neji glared at her, opening his mouth to respond, but Naruto cut him off.

"If I were to say it with your words..." She paused musing how to phrase this. "'You're fated to lose to a long ranged fighter if you're unable to close in'." She glared. "Come on! Stop bending over to Fate and _fight me_! Improvise! Show these people that you're more than some guy who doesn't believe he can change anything! Fight me you silly-eyed bastard!"

The Hyuuga in the stands took a collective, hissing breath in anger at that particular insult, whilst Jiraiya started laughing, until Iruka elbowed him in the ribs.

Glaring at her, Neji again went on the offensive.

She dodged out of his way, her face set in a determined scowl.

This was it. Either Neji actually did something with all those skills he paraded around like they mattered, or he would lose. Sure all those skills were very impressive, but they didn't matter if you couldn't at least force out a draw through them.

A kunai deflected her shuriken before her technique started, disabling it completely.

Naruto smirked. Well, at least he was learning.

Growling, Neji charged in again, and when Naruto slunk away he grabbed onto the dropped shuriken hurling it after her.

Naruto blinked at the move, coiling her legs to get out of the way.

"Shuriken Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" Neji bellowed in triumphant rage.

And the damn technique worked.

Naruto wanted to both curse and laugh at the move. Maybe the bastard was a genius after all.

"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" She responded in turn, creating a wall of meat-shields to protect her from his wall of pointy death.

Before the smoke had even cleared, Neji launched himself out for her, coming achingly close to actually landing a hit.

It was just that Naruto used a Kawarimi and was suddenly replaced with a log.

Naruto stood on the other side of the arena, looking back at the older boy, grinning happily.

"See, that wasn't so hard was it? Nothing is impossible! Anything can be reached as long as you don't give up!" Still grinning like a loon, Naruto made twenty clones scattered around her. "But I can't fall here! I'm going to be Hokage! Shuriken Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"

And with that, all twenty of her threw shuriken, and all twenty of them used the replication technique.

The result blotted out the sun.

Neji paled a bit at that, and used his Kaiten one final time.

By the time it'd faded, Naruto smiled at the exhausted boy.

"But it was a good fight."

Neji looked up at her, meeting her eyes for a moment, before finally toppling over unconscious from his exhaustion.

And the crowd roared in approval, because that last attack was pretty damn cool.

XXX

"What's so special about that?" Sakura muttered contritely. "All he did was outlast him by sheer numbers. That's so stupid."

Ino glanced over at her, frowning slightly, but Tenten was the one who answered.

"She found a weakness and exploited it to the fullest. Nothing stupid about that. It's what ninjas do." She would've sounded grave, had her eyes not sparkled with such obvious _want_ ever since she'd first seen the Shuriken Kage Bunshin.

Sakura glared at her, opening her mouth to say something scathing, but was cut off by the announcement that Sasuke's match would be postponed as he hadn't arrived yet.

"What? Shouldn't he be disqualified?" Kiba frowned as he tried to remember the rules.

"Of course not!" Sakura replied hotly, because this was _Sasuke_ and he didn't _get_ disqualified.

"They're most likely bending the rules." Chouji commented plainly. "A lot of people came to see his match, they wouldn't want him to get disqualified."

Sakura wasn't sure whether or not she should be yelling at Chouji for saying something like that.

Then came the third match, which wasn't a match as one of its participants immediately surrendered. This was followed by a lot of grumbling.

"Ah, it's Shikamaru's turn." Ino looked down at the gathered combatants.

Tenten frowned. "I hope he kicks her ass." Apparently she still held a bit of a grudge.

XXX

Naruto chuckled quietly as Shikamaru surrendered because it was too troublesome.

She supposed that she should be arguing against his move because she hated it when people just rolled over, but she could understand this.

Shikamaru didn't want a promotion. He didn't want what he was there for, he simply realized that there was no way that he'd be able to get out of it without trying his hardest. So he tried his hardest, when it proved not to be enough, rather than attempt to break through his limits for a price he didn't wish to attain, he gave up.

It still irked her that he'd _surrendered_, but why should he fight if he didn't need to? Sure, it was fun to spar against someone, but even in sparring you sometimes had to take a break to keep yourself from breaking under the strain.

Without a reason to fight, there was no reason not to surrender.

Naruto wondered if this recently found maturity in understanding the decisions of others had developed from her sudden change in gender, or if it stemmed from Iruka's continued presence during her fights with Ero-sennin.

Shaking her head, still smiling, Naruto glanced out at the arena.

Next would be Sasuke's match against Gaara. The redhead from Sand looked just about ready to kill something, but she was beginning to view that as his default expression.

She was quite okay with not fighting Gaara yet, she'd seen what he'd done to Lee, and she'd developed a strategy for fighting him, but that didn't mean she was looking forward to facing the psychotic genin.

Actually, Naruto had developed a strategy for facing each and every one of those present. In some cases it was a stupid strategy – Shikamaru's was to threaten to follow him around with Kage Bunshin and whine at him endlessly for several weeks if he didn't give up – and in some cases it wasn't a very developed strategy – don't throw weapons at Sand-girl – but that didn't make them any less strategic.

Once again, Iruka's influence was a force to be feared.

Instead of Sasuke showing up, instead of Sasuke being disqualified for still not showing up, the proctor in charge declared a brief pause in the program before the long-expected match.

Naruto almost growled at that, because whilst she could sort of understand how they could postpone Sasuke's fight to the last in the first round since his fight was so anticipated, to so blatantly twist the rules just because some bastard couldn't be bothered to arrive on time... It didn't sit well with her.

Shrugging off the feeling, Naruto made her way to the stands. Or rather, towards Ero-sennin and Iruka.

XXX

Tenten had seen her target, and like the arc of a perfectly thrown kunai, she descended on her.

"Teach me how you did that!" She begged, avoiding bowling over the blonde through sheer willpower and ending her charge inches away from her face.

Naruto blinked, grateful that the fights with Jiraiya kept her from flinching at the girl's sudden proximity.

"Um? What?" She asked hesitatingly.

"The Shuriken Kage Bunshin!" Tenten bounced on the spot, vibrating with enthusiasm intense enough to make Lee jealous.

Naruto wasn't sure if she was disturbed, amused, annoyed, or all three at once. That technique had taken a long time for her to learn, and she didn't really want to give it up without a fight, even if Neji had managed to replicate it to what was probably a barely workable degree. But she could understand the bun-headed kunoichi's desire, because that technique would greatly compliment her current repertoire of attacks.

"I don't know..." She finally said, her uncertainty clear in her voice.

Tenten nodded thoughtfully, apparently realizing just why she was hesitating. "I'm pretty good with weapons. Not fantastic, but easily better than average. I could teach you some?" She began the bargaining.

Naruto considered this. She could handle kunai and shuriken, she could fight barehanded, she knew a few pretty awesome ninjutsu, but being able to use a sword or other such weapon might be useful at some point.

"It's a deal." She nodded, stretching out her hand for a shake.

Instead Tenten launched herself into her arms whilst chanting thank-yous.

Naruto wasn't sure what was going on, but it didn't feel _bad_ so she went along with it, patting the older girl awkwardly on the back in what she hoped was a reassuring way.

Of course, that was the time that Ero-sennin started giggling like a schoolgirl, writing something in his notepad with a distinctly perverted leer.

Naruto twitched.

Iruka who'd shown up next to the sannin suppressed his smile as best as he could when Naruto kicked the perverted old man in the face.

She wasn't wearing a skirt, so kicking was perfectly okay.

XXX

By the time that Kakashi had shown up with Sasuke, Naruto had discovered that Tenten was probably the most awesome girl she knew. Not only because she didn't fawn over some bastard genius, or because she enjoyed training, or drooled over massive explosions, or had to fight down smiles whenever it came to discussing weaponry, but because Tenten had a very similar outlook on life.

Tenten didn't really care about if boys looked at her, but would instinctively beat perverts senseless when given half a chance, and didn't seem to mind that Naruto praised the sacred ramen of Ichiraku's or that her life almost seemed to revolve around getting stronger. She didn't even laugh at Naruto's dream of being Hokage.

By the time that Kakashi had shown up with Sasuke, Naruto had found her best friend. Much to Iruka's amusement.

Regardless, with the Last Uchiha taking the floor, the civilians rushed to their seats.

Naruto made a face of disgust, Tenten giggled at it, and the match was on.

Sasuke had apparently been working on copying Lee's speed, and when that proved ineffective and Gaara hid himself inside of a ball of sand, he revealed the Chidori.

Hatake Kakashi, elite jounin, had taught a revenge-obsessed bastard-of-a-genin an A-Class assassination technique. That was very responsible of him, considering he had only taught his other two students how to walk on trees.

Naruto frowned at the thought. She wasn't really sure what to think about all of this, but she knew that she didn't like it.

And then, as the Chidori pierced through Gaara's own ultimate defense, the boy lost it. Screaming in anger and agony, Gaara's fight was aborted as a genjutsu was cast upon the audience.

Crap, that wasn't good.

Dispelling the genjutsu before it had a chance to settle on her, Naruto glanced around to see what was going on.

Sound and Sand were attacking some of the disoriented Konoha-nin, meaning that they were probably the instigators, and therefore enemies.

Gaara disappeared from the arena, dragged away by his two teammates, only to be followed by the lone Sasuke. Because obviously Sasuke hadn't realized that Gaara as he was right now would most likely be out of his league, and that three-to-one odds weren't exactly going to make his fight any easier.

Growling at the idiocy, Naruto blinked as Kakashi appeared out of nowhere.

"Naruto, drop that silly henge and go help Sasuke." And then he was gone.

He hadn't even noticed that Naruto wasn't using a henge, so caught up in his own world.

And then she heard Sakura say much the same thing in a screeching tone that echoed inside of the stadium.

The single most horrifying moment of Naruto's life, and neither of her teammates nor their teacher had even noticed.

She hadn't wanted to become a girl. She hadn't wanted to suddenly discover that if she wanted children she'd be forced to carry them around for nine months in her stomach. She hadn't wanted to suddenly be forced to defend herself against perverts. She hadn't wanted to wake up one morning and realize that she wouldn't be able to take a piss whilst standing up. She hadn't wanted to be told by doctors that her hormones were completely out of whack and that her emotions would be unstable for several weeks.

The horror of understanding that she wasn't Naruto, but that she was Naruto, and that she wasn't even sure of what her gender meant.

And some of the most important people in her life thought that she was just pranking them?

In that moment, Naruto ruthlessly suppressed her feelings, because if she gave into them right now she would be killed. Because no matter how distant the corner she crawled into to cry her eyes out in, there were enemies here, and they wouldn't allow such a weakness.

A hand squeezed her on the shoulder, and she turned to find Tenten grinding her teeth together, glaring at the spot Kakashi had disappeared from.

"Come on. We still have a job to do." She ground out.

Naruto nodded, not trusting her voice just yet, and they both disappeared after the foolish Last Uchiha.

XXX

Gaara was strong. Scary strong.

He was also completely insane, blood-thirsty, and more like a wild animal than any seasoned enemy.

He wasn't planning. He charged in with immense force and used his nearly unstoppable powers in order to crush his opponents. There was no deceit, no feinting, no cleverness at all. Only raw uncontrollable power.

It was horrifying, it was pathetic.

Naruto pulled the Last Uchiha away as he collapsed powerless and with his Cursed Seal spreading across his skin, dumping him on a clone with orders to drag him off to a safe distance.

The most disturbing part of this was that despite it only being the two of them, and how Sasuke was so completely useless as to be nothing more than a dead-weight the bastard still tried to fight off his teammate's aid.

Apparently he didn't seem to understand that he was in over his head, or that retreat was actually something that people did. So, the clone knocked him unconscious. It was satisfying.

Shaking her head at the stupidity surrounding her, Naruto got ready to block out the sun in a rain of pointy death.

Unfortunately, it didn't work.

Every single shuriken was blocked by sand, and the crazed genin started dispelling all of her clones with maniacal glee.

Sighing softly at how difficult the boy was being, Naruto guessed that she wouldn't be able to outlast him. And if outlasting him wasn't possible, she might as well go for instantaneous overwhelming force.

She had all the chakra of the Kyuubi at her fingertips, and no matter what the snarky little pervert of a fox said, it wasn't cheating if nobody could stop you. After all, getting caught didn't matter if the one finding out couldn't actually _do_ something about it.

Which was why an army of clones appeared all around the Sand Jinchuuriki, each of them pulling out shuriken, before the sun was blotted out by weaponry once more.

This time however, when Gaara hid behind his sand, the clones didn't simply stay put. Half of them closed the distance. And once they arrived...

From those who'd stayed put, water rushed to meet the ball of sand, drenching it completely underneath what looked more like a gravity-defying tsunami than the pack of water dragons that it truly was.

The sand, wet and heavy from the attack, was then introduced to a Rasengan, from every clone that had closed in on the sphere.

Naruto was glad that Jiraiya had taught her the techniques. The water dragon because the perverted man was still an explosive-obsessed little brat on the inside and really wanted to see massive amounts of destruction for his own personal amusement – Naruto could relate – and the Rasengan because it was such an obvious chakra-control exercise. The fact that both could be used to decimate a _lot_ of... well, pretty much anything, really, just made them all the more wonderful to have in her ninjutsu arsenal.

Gaara's ultimate defense of sand was torn to shreds, and the boy that was caught in the middle of the twisting winds of several combined Rasengans was knocked to the forest floor with the cracking of broken bones.

Naruto landed some way away, close enough to converse with the clearly disabled boy, but far enough away that she could escape any sand that might decide to help him out.

It was sad to see him, this brother of circumstances, so utterly ruined. But he'd attacked her Village, he'd endangered her precious people, and she would never allow that.

Glaring angrily as she recalled how the Jinchuuriki's own teammates had treated him, Naruto walked up to the redheaded boy, crouching down next to him.

"It's not going to help you." She stated calmly. "Your invasion will fail. The blood you seek to shed will be unharmed. Because I won't allow you to hurt my precious people."

She paused as the boy looked up to her, incomprehension clear across his face.

"Shukaku? Can you hear me in there? I'm Uzumaki Naruto." She introduced herself with a vague smile, before releasing as much Killing Intent as she could. "Touch this boy's mind again a**nd I'll show you just what I did to the Kyuubi.**" She growled out in a voice that barely resembled human.

Gaara lost consciousness, and nothing happened. No sand sprung to its master's aid. And so Naruto ordered a clone to grab the redhead, before making their way back towards the walls of Konoha.

XXX

"We're gathered here today in order to pay our respects to those who gave their lives to protect Konoha in the attack." The Hokage droned on in a sad voice.

Naruto stood next to Gaara, who'd been more or less refusing to leave her side ever since he'd woken up. Apparently he still wasn't entirely sure that his bijuu wouldn't return to its usual ways if Naruto wasn't around to remind it of her threat.

She didn't blame him for his hesitance, knowing that she'd most likely react similarly if it'd been her, but there had been quite a few protests about allowing Gaara to roam the Village freely so soon after the Invasion. There'd in fact been so many protests that it'd ended with _Naruto_ not being allowed to freely wander the Village, as she would be accompanied by the redheaded Jinchuuriki wherever she went. With a few exceptions. But she wasn't sure if Gaara could truly comprehend things such as propriety. Namely, don't peek on naked people. Though at the same time, she wasn't sure if he was actually _interested_ in something like that.

Gaara was a bit of a mystery, and only partially because his face was so covered with sand that it gave him an extra poker face.

Jiraiya had gotten a good look at the redhead's seal, and with the bijuu not daring to struggle too much in Naruto's presence, had managed to seal it off a bit tighter, making sure that even if it decided to defy Naruto's bluff it shouldn't be able to interfere with Gaara unless he asked it to.

Speaking of Jiraiya, there'd been some arguments raised from Naruto's still slightly overprotective guardians over just what kind of team didn't notice that one of its members had had their genders switched. A month ago.

The result... Kakashi had been removed from his position as a jounin teacher, and Team 7 had been disbanded effective immediately, Sasuke had been pawned off on some random ex-ANBU-person, Sakura had ended up helping some chunin, with Naruto being officially declared as Jiraiya's apprentice.

Naruto wasn't really sure what to think about that.

Sure, her clearly delusional belief of her team being family had been shattered during the final part of the chunin exam, and it wasn't really as if Kakashi had ever taught her anything more than tree-walking, and Sasuke was still an arrogant bastard that didn't seem to believe that friends were of any worth, and Sakura had actually been forced to do a mental evaluation before the chunin she'd been placed under admitted her back into the field.

But Sasuke had once rescued her from a 'lethal' attack by Haku, Kakashi always seemed happy to see her, and Sakura had been the girl she'd been crushing on, back when Naruto had still been a boy.

Basically, she didn't _want_ to dislike them. But she couldn't really bring herself to liking them either.

Sighing softly to herself, she glanced over at the assembled crowd.

Hinata was standing with her cousin, Neji having gotten a bit... well, nicer was a bit of a stretch, but certainly more tolerable to be around. Kiba was standing with his family, his head down and teeth clenched in a way that signified that he'd most likely lost a relative of some manner in the Invasion. Shino stood with the Aburame, who were proving just as stoic as the rumors said. Kurenai was standing next to the crazy snake-lady, both respectfully solemn.

Shikamaru's back was actually straight, along with the other Nara in an unusual display of respect. Chouji wasn't eating. Ino was a bit paler than normal, and perhaps the Yamanaka had lost someone as well. Asuma stood with Konohamaru, who was frowning, though if it was in concentration or anger was hard to tell from this distance.

Gai still wore spandex, along with Lee, but they stood in silent respect of those who'd passed. And Tenten was leaning on a crutch, her broken leg still healing.

Jiraiya wasn't present – he well and truly hated memorial services, preferring to drink to peoples memories. Iruka stood next to her shoulder.

Naruto briefly wondered if the academy students who knew the chunin believed that Naruto was their teacher's little sister. The thought was warming, despite the chilly rain.

Though Iruka holding an umbrella over the three of them certainly didn't hurt.

Gaara observed the events with his usual passive face. Perhaps not caring, perhaps not understanding, and perhaps simply remaining stoic in respect of those who'd died during the Invasion.

Regardless, she reached out to the emotionally scarred redhead, carefully gripping his hand and entwining their fingers. Gaara squeezed her hand almost gently in response.

If there was a family to which she undoubtedly belonged, this was it.

XXX

"I'm sending you out to find Tsunade. She's the only one I can think of that might allow me to retire peacefully." The Sandaime stated in a gruff voice as he motioned with his pipe. "I want her to take the Hat, but if she proves truly impossible to convince, I'd hope you ask her to help me find a better candidate."

Naruto felt her nose scrunch up a little at the thought of someone rejecting the position that she worked so hard to reach, but a lot of people her own age would most likely have turned it down too if it'd been offered to them – most notably Shikamaru and his eternal dedication to mediocrity – and so she remained quiet.

"Why are we chosen?" Iruka asked in a curiously probing voice.

"Jiraiya was her teammate and is the one most likely capable of finding her, he won't leave Naruto behind, and Naruto won't leave you behind. It's a domino effect." The Hokage sighed tiredly.

Iruka had the grace to look abashed, whilst Jiraiya merely grinned happily. Naruto felt her own lips twitching upwards at the thought of Ero-sennin not wanting to leave her behind. It was a comforting feeling.

Still, she supposed that this meant that she'd have to leave Gaara with his siblings. She couldn't really bring him with her on a mission, especially one to bring back the potential Godaime Hokage, no matter how little he seemed to care for politics and schemes, that would still be pushing it.

XXX

"_**Whoa."**_ Kyuubi's voice sounded distinctly awed, much to Naruto's growing horror.

Anything that could make the cat-sized pervert awed was... best left for dead in a ditch somewhere in Water Country.

_**"Those are some amazing... er... tracts of land."**_ The pervert in question corrected itself with some weird euphemism, which was bizarre considering that he'd never bothered with something like that before.

Still, it was quite obvious what the fox was admiring, what with the gigantic balloons strapped to the woman's chest. Though, honestly, Naruto just wondered what kind of back-aches those things must cause. It looked like it ought to be a back-ache of legendary proportions.

"I really hope that I've finished growing." She admitted absently as she stared at the woman's rather intimidatingly large breasts.

The woman in question raised an eyebrow, looking vaguely annoyed at this sudden outburst.

Jiraiya winced, looking horribly conflicted. "I know that I should want to say 'grow more', but at the same time I want to say 'don't grow'. Is this the protective feeling of a parent?" He mused distractedly.

Tsunade – for this woman was definitely the medic-nin of the Sannin – shied away as if she'd been struck, turning a disbelieving stare at her former teammate, before alternating in between the white-haired man and the blonde girl in front of her.

"You had _kids_?!" She blurted out in disgusted horror.

Naruto's jaw dropped before her face contorted into a disgusted face of her own. "What? No! Eww! Ero-sennin ain't my dad!"

Jiraiya's lips twitched at both of their disgusted horror. "Heh, damn. I get no respect." He grinned in amusement.

"Do you deserve it?" Iruka asked curiously, returning from glaring at any patrons at the bar who'd been staring at Naruto.

A dark-haired woman behind Tsunade stifled a giggle.

"No." Came the deadpan chorus from both Naruto and Tsunade, making Jiraiya clutch dramatically at his chest.

It was the start of a somewhat-bumpy friendship.

XXX

The Third's lips twitched upwards. "You bet against Naruto?" He began to slowly shake his head. "I-... I should've expected that, honestly. I apologize, I didn't think sending her after you through deeply enough. Nobody deserves to have Naruto's luck turned against them."

Tsunade grunted, clearly not amused by the old man's amusement.

"Ah well, congratulations on a completed mission, Naruto, Iruka, Jiraiya." He smiled at the three of them, for a moment simply happy at their success, before his smile began to droop at the memory of recent events. "There's-... Tsunade, please, I'd ask you to report at the hospital... A few hours ago, we sent out a retrieval team after one Uchiha Sasuke, and it's quite likely that they've sustained injury."

"Sasuke?" Naruto startled to attention at the name. "Why does he need retrieval?"

The Third sighed. "It appears... that he is attempting to defect to Orochimaru."

Jiraiya stiffened, eyes narrowing dangerously. "Who was sent after him?"

"Nara Shikamaru, and any ninja he could scrounge up on such short notice. As well as their reinforcement, Sabaku no Gaara and his siblings."

Naruto gritted her teeth. "Why-?"

"Because we're understaffed." Sarutobi bit out in a rare display of tired stress. "I don't like it any more than you do."

"When did they leave?" Jiraiya asked, all business for once.

"Several hours ago, you won't be able to catch up, they should be on their way back by now regardless. Which is why I'd ask Tsunade to be at the hospital."

Glances were exchanged in between the now-former traveling companions, and a decision was reached in their silence.

"Let's go." Tsunade ordered them all to the hospital to wait for the retrieval team.

XXX

Gaara wasn't very socially adept, and was probably the single worst person for dealing with bodily contact in the entirety of the Elemental Nations, so it wasn't especially surprising that he reacted to Naruto flinging herself around his neck when he'd first entered the hospital by stiffening in confusion, his eyes darting around for aid in a distinctly panicky way.

The fact that she seemed to alternate between thanking him profoundly for helping her friends, randomly checking him for injuries, and trying to smother him in hugs was... well, Gaara honestly wasn't sure just what it was, but he was certain that he was pleased by the attention. It was strange to have someone worrying over him.

It was perhaps stranger that seeing her face so close to his own seemed to make it a little bit hard to breathe, even whenever she stepped back from her tight hugs to check him for injuries, and that his face kept feeling peculiarly heated behind his ever-present mask of sand.

Uncomfortable with the heat, Gaara let the mask peel itself away, stoically meeting the blonde's eyes with his own.

Naruto blinked, a little bit startled by the unraveling sand, but then returned to inspecting him for scratches that he might've acquired, scratches that could've potentially been hidden by the mask of sand.

Then, finally, Naruto decided that Gaara was healthy enough that she shouldn't worry about him, and so he instead found himself standing right next to the emotionally drained girl as she slumped into him with relief.

Unsure of what to do about it, Gaara glanced around and managed to catch Iruka's eyes.

Iruka looked a little hesitant, but then a little amused, and then mostly warm. He nodded helpfully towards the chairs, and Gaara carefully began to lead the apparently exhausted girl into a seat.

Sitting down in the chair next to her as Naruto hadn't really let go of him yet, Gaara found himself slowly realizing the wonders of having the warm body of someone he cared about curled up against him.

He made a note to make sure to visit Naruto as often as possible, especially by the end of the day, where she might be tired enough to need a shoulder to rest on. It was very pleasant.

XXX

The retrieval mission was a failure and Uchiha Sasuke was neither seen nor heard from again.

Actually, the only thing that might've been related to the boy was the rumor that Uchiha Itachi had decimated Oto, and in the end even managed to kill Orochimaru himself.

Nobody knew if it was vengeance against the man for taking away his little brother, or a sinister plan of the Akatsuki, or rage at how his 'chosen killer' had been taken away before Itachi could kill him.

Either way, with Konoha and Suna renewing their alliance, Oto being wiped off the map, and a new Hokage taking up the Hat in Konoha, the Villages who'd previously been circling them predatorily were now suddenly very careful with maintaining their distance.

It was a peaceful time, during which Naruto was trying very hard to not listen to the Kyuubi's eternal innuendos and insinuations, and during which she usually tended to lose a lot of the concentration necessary for this whenever Gaara appeared.

It was strange how the redhead somehow managed to be both so calm as to be nearly frustratingly boring, as well as comforting, and how she still usually went to bed with a strangely happy smile whenever she'd managed to spend some time with him.

If it weren't for the fact that Jiraiya, Iruka, Shikamaru, Ino, Temari, Kankuro, the old man, Teuchi, Ayame, Tsunade, Shizune, Hinata, Neji, and even Tenten all seemed perfectly aware of whatever it was that was going on, Naruto probably would've panicked. Pleasantness or not, only when she was absolutely sure that everyone around her seemed amused by her confusion at the subject did she allow herself to relax.

She might not want to be made fun off, but she'd been the class clown for most of her life, and from what she'd seen of Hinata's reaction, Naruto wasn't entirely sure how she'd be reacting if she actually knew what was going on. Thus, she decided to simply ignore the strangeness of it all, and enjoy the good times while they lasted.

Besides, Gaara kept making her stomach tingle all pleasant-like, and she really didn't want to risk giving that up.

XXX

**A/n: I've had this lying around a while, unfinished, so I made some small adjustments, tweaked the ending a little bit, screwed over the original plan for it all, and let it end when it wanted to end.**

**As for the aliens that appeared within **_**Kashimashi Girl Meets Girl**_**, well, they were probably scared off by Iruka or something. There's really no need to make stories any more complicated than they have to be.**


End file.
